I don't know what's been happening lately- Maybe it is I'm really growing up or is it that I'm more of an adult, not because of my age but because I am doing normal-adult like things. And today I got to realize just that. I've been so into the 2000's music it's ridiculous, I've been reading old blogs, I've been craving retro stuff and I think I'm going through a phase... a kind of, goth phase. Mom and dad don't worry, don't be scared I am not going to do crazy eyeliner make up, blood on my face or apply a foundation in white. Is just... I am going back to all the things I used to love when I was a kid.
Didn't I tell you? I used to be obsessed with black clothes and gothic people when I was 10 years old, I still remember my cousin (aka sister) gave me some black clothes from one of her friends that was a goth, I cannot tell you how excited I was when I got those 3 black shirts. I don't know if they were age aproppriate but my mom was fine with dressing her 10 year old daughter in black, lace and sheer clothes, oh gosh.
That's one of the things I love of my childhood and how my parents raised me. Despite having permission to do everything I wanted to, I was never a crazy kid, hence why mom would find it cool to be dressed in sheer black clothes I remember my cousin even painted my nails black, which, fun fact, it was the first color I painted my nails with... I have never forgot that, black is such a part of my life and will always be and I always go to black nail polish whenever I´m in doubt, because again, it drives my to my past.
To that past when I was obsessed with being a goth and now reminds me of my present which I am loving black clothes lately (seriously I am not wearing any color lately) and I like to be that way because I also feel I am mourning the loss of one of the most important people in my life. Which takes me now how an adult I am despite being only 23 years.
I don't know if it is because I pay for my stuff, I buy what I want, I cook for myself (yeah I wish, restaurants are my 24/7 spot), I pay my credit cards and I have a bank account, yup, checking and savings. I feel so old yet so young. I the more I'm older ( or I feel like Im getting older) the more I and everyone else craves the past. Because everything was "so easy" back then, but reality is, it wasn't easy, it is a phase we all went through and we are onto newer things. And there's nothing wrong with crave some retro fashion or decor but I find it funny how we want newer things, more modern yet we see ourself pinning old bathtubs, high waisted pants, military coats... that shows us that everything is a cycle and that maybe in 15 or 20 more years we will crave the "modern" things we have now.
